Relationships in Nigeria: Transactions or Bonds?

I have heard a number of tales of romantic woes among Nigerians recently. There is the case of the woman who found out her boyfriend of eleven years was leaving her the day before he got married to someone else. Then the case of a woman in an abusive relationship who was not prepared to end it because she had put in too many hours of sex during the course of it. There appear to be too many Nigerian women and girls who see relationships as transactions. For too many young girls marriage is their route out of poverty. It is sometimes seen as their one opportunity to better themselves. 

Relationships are pursued as though life is some kind of game show where if you press the right buttons you can win yourself a husband and happy life. Both prospective husband and intended wife are slotted into stereotypical boxes that specify what is wanted and what needs to be done to get it. As a result relationships seem to be very synthetic, and status counts for more than depth. Inevitably in many of these cases the marriages last much longer than the actual relationships. Infedility is rife amongst the men and too many women are living lives of emotional confinement. They have achieved all they ever wanted so how can they not be happy? How can things not be good? As it turns out they have very little happiness to look forward to and nowhere to retreat to. They become prisoners of their own aspirations. 

In Nigeria this arrangement works for the men. Eligible bachelors can have their pick of women. And all they gave to do is give them a ring and provide for them for life. Not unlike a jailer taking custody of a prisoner. Once the man has fulfilled his part of the bargain he is free to pursue whatever his heart desires; money, power, women. This is done safe in the knowledge that the woman is unlikely to do anything to change things no matter how much she complains. 

Needless to say both men and women find comfort in religious scriptures to justify their approach to relationships and the state of their marriages. There are plenty of good relationships and happy marriages. Unfortunately, weddings are no guarantee of a fairytale ending.