One Small Step for Equality, No Giant Leap for Black People

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The battle to overturn systemic racism and end police brutality is going to be the fight of all our lives. Just having the world wake up to the real issue of racist oppression and the havoc it has, and is wreaking on Black people is a major win. However, it is not the only battleground we have to show up at, and fight hard to make  gains on. Whatever gains we make in overthrowing the oppressive system cannot be consolidated unless we Black people actually uplift and enlighten ourselves. If we don’t become better as individuals, and a people then it will all be for nothing.

How many Black people have felt stigmatised in their communities for focusing on their education, careers or health? It is typical for Black people dismiss other Black people as squares or wannabes for wanting to get an education. Building a career and getting a regular office job is often considered selling out. Adopting a healthy lifestyle for anything other than aesthetics is seen as just an incomprehensibly lame thing to do.

During this covid-19 pandemic Black people have not always shown the best judgement or awareness of personal or public safety. And this is despite the fact that we have been one of the groups most vulnerable to infection and serious illness. Too often Black people have been some of the first to show up at illegal raves, and some of the last to socially distance or wear a face covering. We need to understand the difference between being a smartass and actually being smart. The reckless behaviour has not been atypical of the behaviour of a lot of Britons; who have preferred to wear their masks on their chins, off their noses, on their necks, over an eye, on their belts, and in their hands. But Black people cant afford to just follow the prevailing wind. They need to know when to be better. 

We need more people in families and the local communities to be role models to the rest of our people. It is fine to admire celebrities and the wealthy but their lives do not reflect the reality most of us have to contend with. We need people to set the right examples in getting the most from education, how to work hard, being responsible, and giving back to the community. People can lose their way or fall foul of the law and become rehabilitated. We want to be able to laud them for their resilience and redemption rather than hold them in thrall as outlaws or rebels. We can’t afford to give up on ourselves. 

Good parenting needs to be restored to it’s rightful place; front and centre of the Black community. Whatever the make up of the family, the upbringing of children must be given the priority it needs. That isn’t to say that it will be easy or without considerable challenges but it is central to how we as Black people make a better future for ourselves. In order to be better parents and role models to young people Black people need to reflect on what their values are; and how they deal with the personal and social challenges facing them. If people cannot show resilience and fortitude then it is unlikely they will inspire the youth to walk a path of integrity and selfless service. 

The hope we have is that we as a people enlighten ourselves and find the strength to stand tall in the face of inequality and oppression. In making better choices we can encourage the youth to become aspirational and personally fulfilled. The danger we face isn’t missing our way but in never having a better path to follow. 

Psychology of Sex: Teens and Pre-teens

Sex and relationships have been a complicated and complicating feature of human interaction from biblical times through early civilisation into modern days. Relationships have gone from being functional tools for empire building and passing on family legacies to being expressions of personal identity and vehicles for social cohesion. Sex has gone through periods of restriction, subversion, freedom and caution. In present times the Internet has transformed how people pursue both sex and relationships. 

Young people are reaching puberty much earlier in life now. They are also having an increased awareness of and exposure to experiences and issues relating to sex and relationships. There is an increasing rate of marital and relationship break ups which are creating a complexly diverse set of domestic arrangements. There are now more instances of single parent families and family units with more than two parents a part of them. The age of the two parent family is fast receding. 

Young people are being introduced to personal relationships much earlier. This is taking a mental, emotional and physical toll on them. They have access to information about relationships at their disposal with no restrictions or guidance. They are therefore more aware of the issues and also more interested in exploring and testing out the knowledge they have. Many adults have adopted casual attitudes to sex and relationships; while a lot of others have become socially isolated and awkward, increasingly reliant on proxy methods to make connections. They are neither the best role models or particularly admirable trendsetters. 

It would appear that nowadays in the minds of many young people being sexually active is being conflated with sexual and emotional maturity. The reality though seems to be that being down for whatever doesn't quite mean being smart about what one does or it's consequences. Hence the increase in sexually transmitted diseases amongst young people and high levels of teenage pregnancies in some countries. There appears to be a greater need for sex and relationship education in schools and in the home. Current sex and relationship education focuses mostly on biological imperatives and gender awareness. These are important but more attention needs to be paid to self esteem, personal responsibility and life aspirations. These offer an insight into personality traits and conflicts that are likely to influence romantic choices. 

In spite of religious perspectives on chastity and sexuality there is nothing intrinsically wrong with sex between consenting married or unmarried couples. However, having sex cannot be a confirmation of commitment nor is it enough by itself to constitute a lasting relationship. Building a relationship must involve self insight and a sincere shared bond between two people. It requires emotional maturity and at a young age there is a limit to the self awareness and personal insight a person can have. Knowing what to expect and what to believe in a relationship are a function of trial and error; and growth. Being able to take a step back when hormones are raging isn't something the young are renowned for doing. While it is possible for a young person to experience grown up feelings they might not necessarily have the knowledge and experience to understand the various options that might inform decisions that are about to be made. 

It isn't possible to go about ones sex life unnoticed anymore. Whenever one is in a relationship the whole world's eyes are on one. They're all watching and judging. Your parents, family, friends, social media networks, neighbours, school, work colleagues, institutions and even law enforcement are forming impressions based on who you are in a relationship with. It doesn't even have to be a serious relationship. They just need to jump to the conclusion that you're having sex. 

I don't think it is possible to stop teenagers from having sex but there will be opportunities to raise their awareness about the motivations and expectations that they take into sexual relationships. These are the things that will determine how they see relationships in the future. Ultimately self esteem and sexual relationship are intricately intertwined. How we see ourselves and how we are looked at by society can be influenced by the nature of the relationships we have. Achieving healthy relationships is dependent on educating young people about making healthy decisions.