The Value of Valentine’s Day

For many Valentine’s Day is considered a great way to commemorate love. Tell someone you love them. Show someone you love them. A chance to say something and do something romantic. Preferably something big and expensive. Meaningful is optional. A lot of good can be done, and a lot of people get a good feeling out of it. Business certainly makes a lot out of it and makes a good profit on the back of it.

It would be great to imagine that everyone who buys into Valentine’s Day is sincere and full of love rather than driven by cynical self interest like business. Maybe some of them are. As it happens, it can also be an opportunistic assembly line for people trying to impress a beau or cover up their lack of genuine feelings for someone else.

There is an expectation that in order to show how much you care on Valentine’s Day people should spend generously and make big gestures. Clearly Valentine’s Day is the day you check the balance on the love ledger. Whichever party is giving or getting; the important thing is to expect big things. Strangely enough one would have thought that love actually pays for itself everyday, even without grand expensive gestures. Being loved can offer happiness, security and reassurance. Loving someone an be fulfilling, invigorating and joyous. Plenty in there that money can’t substitute for.

Big productions from the heart are as much a delight to the person giving as to the person receiving them. The little things that people do for each other every day also go a long way to holding each other down and making every day special. Being able to reach out to or for that special person when you need to can be the thing that makes a moment special and unforgettable. While something rarely occurring might be considered precious, there are routine deeds that prove invaluable.

A lot of people spend a king’s ransom on Valentine’s Day without giving it any real thought. It’s just something they have to do. And in return many get hardly anything back from it. Not a warm thought, not a little recognition, and too often not even a thank you. For a day that’s meant to commemorate great love it all seems to be about transactions. But I guess it’s down to the individual to choose whether they want a day of big transactions or a lifetime of meaningful and memorable interactions.

Living With

© Yaoyao Ma Van As

Human nature is rooted in relationships and social interaction. Everyone is born to a parent, and that comes with a likelihood of family and relatives. Growing up as a child, and living as an adult place one in social situations, whether by choice or not. A professional life requires the ability to communicate with or to others to some degree. It can be presumed that the more social skills one has the better a life one is likely to live.

Living in a family is often a circumstance one finds oneself in. A person can choose their friends either based on affinity or convenience. Being in a relationship or living with a  spouse or partner is one of the more advanced social interactions. It may not be an essential relationship but it is an extremely important one when it is entered into. The decision to enter into a relationship should signify both an individual’s development of personal depth and serious feelings for a partner. It is an expression of both commitment and sacrifice. A point from which a person makes a choice to consider the needs and wellbeing of another person as equal to their own. In doing so the person makes a promise to include that other person in their life and proactively be a part of that person’s life.

Growing up and becoming independent sometimes means striking out on your own. It might mean living by yourself or sharing paid for accommodation. What it amounts to ultimately is being primarily responsible for yourself alone. In due course, one might enter into a relationship and choose to live fully or partly with a partner. This represents an opportunity to share one’s life and space. It might also be a crutch for someone afraid to be alone. However, there are people who prefer to live on their own, even when in a relationship. This allows them the freedom and space to take time out for themselves. It might also be a symptom of an unwillingness to commit fully to another person. Whatever the rights or wrongs, these are choices we are all entitled to make.

Living on one’s own can be a necessary response to dealing with life and relationship challenges. One has to find a way to make life as manageable as possible. However, living by yourself because you can’t live with another person is not coping: it’s copping out. Learning how to live with another person is an essential part of human socialisation. It isn’t necessarily easy and may not come naturally. But the desire to do it must also be matched by the effort to follow through on it. Living with someone else does mean having to endure and tolerate some of the things that person does. It also means taking responsibility to intervene when there are signs of trouble. Trying to complement each other should mean aiming to bring the best out of each other.

Living with others can be both fulfilling and beneficial to oneself. However, it won’t always be without conflict. The conflict might either help resolve issues or clarify incompatibility. It just depends on how strong a connection people have. Living with another person might be the preferred choice but it isn’t the only option. A person might find themselves living alone and do just fine.