What is Infidelity?

I woke up on Friday morning to find "Blacchyna" trending on Twitter. I rolled my eyes in despair knowing that for some reason the cultural black hole that is Kardashian-Jenner-Kanye-Amber had expanded that little bit more. Oh happy day! It turns out this was just a continuation of hostilities between 'Blac Chyna' and Kylie Jenner over the affections of the rapper 'Tyga'. Happy day indeed! However, it did make me reflect on the nature of infidelity. Why are people unfaithful in relationships? And exactly who is to blame for the infidelity?

Very often infidelity is a straightforward issue of one person stepping out on the other. The person meets another person starts a relationship and it eventually moves from friendly to intimate. It may be a one time thing or it may result in starting a whole other family. However it ends up it amounts to being unfaithful. 

But what happens if the friendship doesn't become intimate? So you throw in the flirting and the impure thoughts but there is no consummation. Does that still count as infidelity? It is possible there may been intent to get intimate but no opportunity presented itself. Or maybe there was just a fantasy of getting intimate but no attempt made to take it further. The person may not consider it cheating but will that person's partner think the same. Is there a 'no sex, no foul' rule? When does deception occur? Is it in the thinking or in the actions?

When two people claim to have an open marriage/relationship in which they agree to allow each other be intimate with other people, where does that figure on the 'infidelity index'? If that is considered okay then it would appear that being intimate outside of a relationship may not be the ultimate test of what is unfaithful. It would appear that if there is pre approval then maybe there is no infidelity. Though I do wonder how things might feel for the third party who might just be a sexual pawn in some couple's non traditional living arrangements. Maybe the other person is the one being cheated on here. After all that person may have very little idea of what they're getting themselves into. That would appear to be open to a claim of deception. 

So this is what I've come up with so far; sex may or may not matter when it comes to infidelity, and if there is agreement by both parties then it may not be cheating (in fact in that case, the person being cheated with may end up being the person being cheated on!). Is it possible that if a person in the a relationship is being totally neglectful and emotionally unavailable then that can be taken as constituting approval to step? Maybe cheating just depends on intent and emotional commitment on the part of the person looking to stray. It can't just be down to what one person or another considers fidelity or infidelity. Or can it?

When Dying Abroad is Preferable to Living at Home

Nigerians love to travel. You will find them in the every corner of the world. Some are doing great things and others are just there. The number of Nigerians settling abroad and adopting new nationalities is quite significant. In many cases they say they have left to seek a better life. No one can fault them for that. We are living in a global era and there is much to be gained by learning about new places and cultures. However, it is one thing to travel to take advantage of opportunities abroad and further one's own development; and it's another thing to see travel as an urgent means of escape from one's own country.

Over the last thirty years an increasing number of Nigerians have been attempting to leave the country to escape the hardships and inequalities that have become the norm in Nigeria. In fact, this has spawned an in industry of its own. Fake passports, visas, lawyers and advisors abound now, floating around consulate visa offices. Some people have been known to sell all they have or defraud others to make up the money they need to travel. Things have gotten so bad that people don't even care where they go or what awaits them there as long as they can leave the country. Even Ghana has become a refuge away from Nigeria. Unfortunately this desperation to leave is also resulting in lives ruined and lost. Nigerians have been a target of the recent killing of foreigners in South Africa. And Nigerians are amongst those traveling to North Africa to attempt perilous sea crossings into Europe. 

It is an indictment of past and present governments in Nigeria that this has not been recognised as a major social problem for the country. Nothing purposeful has been done to address it. Not only is the country's workforce being depleted but lives and talents are also being wasted. A lot of Nigerians travel abroad to 'study' but end up doing menial jobs or getting involved in fraud. Too little is being done to crack down on the fake passport and visa industry in the country. And nothing is being done either at home or in North Africa to deal with the increasing number of Nigerians mortgaging their futures and risking their lives in the hands of smugglers and on dangerous sea crossings. People are being killed in the back streets of North Africa while others are washing up on the shores of Europe. 

Amongst Goodluck Jonathan's many failings has been his indifference to the social issues that continue to damage the fabric of society in Nigeria. He has appointed myriads of ineffective ambassadors but hasn't got any sensible liaison going in countries where Nigerians are in peril. We know why the only priorities for his government have been capital projects and feting foreign dignitaries. It's about time that Nigeria had a government that properly invests in its people and their welfare.