Sabina Nessa

The murder of Sabina Nessa is another thread in an all too familiar pattern of women being murdered by men while going about their daily lives. Women and girls are not safe and this has been the case for a very long time. Over time society has adopted norms that make it tolerable for men to murder women and feel able to get away with justifying their actions. Whether it is the French notion of ‘crime of passion’, the murder defence of “violent sex”, or the implication that rape victims somehow did something to provoke their assailants; society finds a way to make violence against women reasonable under certain circumstances. The truth is that males need to learn to respect the rights, choices and bodies of women.

Violent urges are primeval but over time the desire for social acceptance has restrained people from wantonly resorting to it. Unfortunately we are at a point where men seem to feel that giving in to violent urges is liberating and empowering. There are too many instances of people resorting to violence to resolve personal differences. It has become common to find people on social media threatening violence against strangers whom they might be having a difference of opinion with. Social media personalities have taken to promoting and organising boxing matches as a way of amping up rivalries. The US experiences of minorities subjected to violent police interventions have been disturbing and disruptive. And recently the increasing exposure of violent assaults by U.K. law enforcement officers has spotlighted a very worrying trend. 

As a society we need to address and change the culture of violence against women that has become entrenched in our lives. We should be able to rely on law enforcement and government institutions to recognise the dangerous trends and actively work to combat them. Talking about it isn’t enough. Not enough is being done and women are paying the price for this negligence. Keeping women safe is not about finding protectors, it’s about stopping perpetrators. 

How do you solve a problem like Nigeria?

It is incredible that the current Nigerian government that is widely seen as ineffective and unpopular fails to see the benefits of social media in promoting reform and recovery. In Africa in particular, having a vibrant social media is one way to sustain economic and social development. It does appear that the current government has been mulling over ways to curb the use of social media in the country and Twitter deleting a tweet by the president has given it the excuse to take action. Unfortunately, this seems to be a shortsighted and ill conceived move. 

The Nigerian government may claim to be taking action against Twitter but it’s its own citizenry that it is actually disadvantaging. If the government was unhappy about Twitter’s moderating of content it posted then it should have engaged with Twitter to resolve whatever misunderstanding of its communication and motives it might have deemed to have occurred. Depriving people of using the platform seems like the exact type of overreaction one would expect from a dictatorial and totalitarian government. Certainly it isn’t consistent with the actions and spirit of a modern democracy. 

In spite this being the 21st century Nigeria is still driven by an extremely traditional and deeply conservative culture. In personal interaction age and social status limit the nature and style of communication between individuals. With the growing pervasiveness of the internet and social media some sections of Nigerian society believe the open access has undermined their entitlement and ability to control and restrict the way communication flows between people and institutions. Rather than see the freedom as an opportunity for development for a people who are mired in poverty and deprivation; they consider it as a swamp that festers with disrespect and allows equality. Truth be told, some people in Nigeria do not like to be held accountable and balk at any suggestion of being subjected to scrutiny.

Given Nigeria’s dire economic circumstances the government has been out begging for loans and grants to maintain its revenue requirements. This type of repressive government behaviour is unlikely to be seen as promoting an environment that bodes well for external investment. In fact, the facility to profit from corruption seems to be one of the key factors currently driving consideration of investing in Nigeria. The amount of effort the government is putting into policing Twitter seems significantly greater than what it has done to curb internal insecurity issues. 

It has become clear that until Nigeria starts having honest politicians it will not have good political leadership. After sixty years of independence the country does not have functional institutions that will ensure sustainable economic and social development. The country is becoming increasingly fractured along tribal lines. Unfortunately, there isn’t the leadership to unite and heal all the divisions. If the current government could focus on internal security that at least would be something that everyone could benefit from. 

Psychology of Sex: Teens and Pre-teens

Sex and relationships have been a complicated and complicating feature of human interaction from biblical times through early civilisation into modern days. Relationships have gone from being functional tools for empire building and passing on family legacies to being expressions of personal identity and vehicles for social cohesion. Sex has gone through periods of restriction, subversion, freedom and caution. In present times the Internet has transformed how people pursue both sex and relationships. 

Young people are reaching puberty much earlier in life now. They are also having an increased awareness of and exposure to experiences and issues relating to sex and relationships. There is an increasing rate of marital and relationship break ups which are creating a complexly diverse set of domestic arrangements. There are now more instances of single parent families and family units with more than two parents a part of them. The age of the two parent family is fast receding. 

Young people are being introduced to personal relationships much earlier. This is taking a mental, emotional and physical toll on them. They have access to information about relationships at their disposal with no restrictions or guidance. They are therefore more aware of the issues and also more interested in exploring and testing out the knowledge they have. Many adults have adopted casual attitudes to sex and relationships; while a lot of others have become socially isolated and awkward, increasingly reliant on proxy methods to make connections. They are neither the best role models or particularly admirable trendsetters. 

It would appear that nowadays in the minds of many young people being sexually active is being conflated with sexual and emotional maturity. The reality though seems to be that being down for whatever doesn't quite mean being smart about what one does or it's consequences. Hence the increase in sexually transmitted diseases amongst young people and high levels of teenage pregnancies in some countries. There appears to be a greater need for sex and relationship education in schools and in the home. Current sex and relationship education focuses mostly on biological imperatives and gender awareness. These are important but more attention needs to be paid to self esteem, personal responsibility and life aspirations. These offer an insight into personality traits and conflicts that are likely to influence romantic choices. 

In spite of religious perspectives on chastity and sexuality there is nothing intrinsically wrong with sex between consenting married or unmarried couples. However, having sex cannot be a confirmation of commitment nor is it enough by itself to constitute a lasting relationship. Building a relationship must involve self insight and a sincere shared bond between two people. It requires emotional maturity and at a young age there is a limit to the self awareness and personal insight a person can have. Knowing what to expect and what to believe in a relationship are a function of trial and error; and growth. Being able to take a step back when hormones are raging isn't something the young are renowned for doing. While it is possible for a young person to experience grown up feelings they might not necessarily have the knowledge and experience to understand the various options that might inform decisions that are about to be made. 

It isn't possible to go about ones sex life unnoticed anymore. Whenever one is in a relationship the whole world's eyes are on one. They're all watching and judging. Your parents, family, friends, social media networks, neighbours, school, work colleagues, institutions and even law enforcement are forming impressions based on who you are in a relationship with. It doesn't even have to be a serious relationship. They just need to jump to the conclusion that you're having sex. 

I don't think it is possible to stop teenagers from having sex but there will be opportunities to raise their awareness about the motivations and expectations that they take into sexual relationships. These are the things that will determine how they see relationships in the future. Ultimately self esteem and sexual relationship are intricately intertwined. How we see ourselves and how we are looked at by society can be influenced by the nature of the relationships we have. Achieving healthy relationships is dependent on educating young people about making healthy decisions.