This Is Who I Am

It occurred to me that we spend a lot of time making judgements about politicians and questioning their decisions and how worthy they are. Of course they assume responsibility for our lives and so we are heavily invested in their behaviour and the things they say. Equally we make judgements about the people we know all the time. Even if we very rarely do say it to them. So I decided I would take a long look at myself and make some honest judgements. 

As a child I recall being extremely shy and having quite a combustible temper. The first time my grandmother took me to visit one of my uncles I was so shy that I refused to enter the house. When asked why, all I could say was that the door was too small. This from a kid who was barely 4 feet tall. I used to get so angry that I would burst into tears right in the middle of raging. Needless to say I wasn't a particularly fearful dude. I do remember getting so angry once that I tore up all my primary school report cards. I had been allowed to keep them in my room for coming first every term. If ever there was a personification of cutting off your nose to spite your face; it was called Charles all through that long holiday. 

I'm not a perfect person (that much I know). In fact, I'm not even sure I'm a good person. But I can lay claim to being a nice person, sometimes. I do the best I can and I try and do it for the right reasons. I don't always get things right or do the right things. However I have managed to touch a few lives and I hope enriched them in my own way. 

A cousin of mine calls me a socialist in thrall to all things Labour. I prefer to see myself as an economic welfarist. I believe in the necessity of production of surplus but don't agree with the capitalist distribution doctrine. 

I am a non-denominational Christian. I don't believe in sectarian worship or churches. This makes my concept of Christian worship quite complicated. I don't prioritise going to heaven as the purpose of a life. I believe that heaven should be the outcome of having lived a good life. I believe that is the true essence of Christianity. Loving thy fellow person as much as thyself. The scriptures and commandments should be guides directing us to make a difference in the lives of others. Knowing them shouldn't be a competition in sanctimoniousness. 

I like to look back on the things I do and reflect on what it all says about me. So far it's saying I've come a long way with plenty of improvement still to come. 

Dialogue

I know a person who during discussions simply makes his point over and over again. No matter what other views are expressed or evidence put forward to support them. His position was, “this is my opinion. This is what I know and you can't tell me any different”. A little knowledge is truly a dangerous thing. As far as he was concerned nothing had to make sense. It was all a matter of opinion. 

It is not possible to stand all alone screaming into the wind and have a conversation, discussion or dialogue with another person. Communication requires a conducive environment in which to take place. It is ok to be persistent and expressive about what one wants to say. What is not acceptable is aggression, abuse or harassment. A strong point can be as forcefully made calmly and quietly as it can be made loudly and boorishly. 

These days our sense of self is all founded on beliefs and dogma. Whether it is religious belief or cultural prejudice, we stand on one side of a divide and look across at those on the other side with pity and disdain. Ultimately we see them as being misinformed and misguided. And because we believe we are right in our view because that's what we believe we allow too little room for understanding. 

I had an uncle who once told me that he believed in his religious persuasion and felt that others should share his conviction. But if he turned out to be wrong then he would be right to be judged harshly for it. Listening to him I always thought to myself I don't want to eventually find out I'm wrong. Rather I want to continuously ask myself and explore what is right. At least that way I get to learn and make things right while I have the power to make a difference. 

Whatever your beliefs are allow them to evolve as your knowledge and understanding grows. Be clear about your beliefs but open to understanding and appreciating the beliefs of others. Only then can you truly enter into dialogue and be properly understood. 

It Is Right There Are Protests: Justice for Eric Garner

Eric Garner has turned out to be a gentle giant with a lovely family. By contrast the New York police department has exposed itself as a savage, unjust and oppressive organisation. The lack of an indictment has added insult to the injury of the merciless killing of Eric Garner. It is right that there should be outrage. It is right that there should be questions. It is right that there should be protests. It is not right that law enforcement should use the authority of its office to target and terrorise Black people. 

Broadening One's Horizons

It's amazing how considering how vast the universe is human beings by the nature of their birth tend to be constrained and limited in their perspectives. Being born into nuclear families hailing from certain regions of particular tribes or ethnicities has meant that we grow up steeped in certain cultures and world views. As a result people form very definitive views about how things should be, and what is right or wrong. These come from cultural norms and practices combined with the sets of laws we are required to follow. 

Moving from one country to another as a child I found out that there were major differences in how my peers and I understood the workings of the world. My friends and relatives who had grown up in a country freed from colonialism, and still somewhat in thrall to the colonial masters; couldn't quite wrap their heads round the idea of racial discrimination and oppression. Even the notion of tribalism didn't quite prepare them for the concept of racial prejudice. It did mean that certain conversations didn't go swimmingly. But this wasn't because they didn't care or sympathise; it was just a lack of understanding stemming from the absence of a relevant frame of reference. 

It is important that all human beings broaden their horizons. It represents a form of growth through self development and introduces people to different perspectives from around the world. This allows a better understanding of what motivates others and what drives their thoughts and actions. But what it also does is offer a comparator to the the things we know and the norms we have always lived by.

Education is a great way to broaden one’s horizons and expand one’s mind. It provides us with both knowledge and information. It also trains our minds to take in and analyse information. In sound minds this develops a yearning to learn and a facility for enquiring about the nature of things. There are those who education just about brings them up to the level of buffoon. It can't work for everyone. 

Travel is another good way to broaden one's horizons. Travelling to other states in one's country isn't a bad idea. It fosters a deeper appreciation of other tribes and areas. However, if one is to discourage the notion that the whole world revolves around just one's own country then traveling abroad might be the way to go. Being abroad is like being promoted to a higher class. You're seeing yourself in all the usual situations but you now have to operate at a higher level. Travelling abroad not only introduces you to new places, history and culture; it also gives you the opportunity to personally mature. You get to organise yourself, and learn to form new relationships with things, people and places. You can no longer rely on the familiar so you are shocked into creating a new frame of reference to live by. You learn to adapt or you suffer the consequences. 

As it turns out there's more to this life than what we know. There's even more to what we know than we have learned. Being a more rounded person ultimately makes you a better person. Though not necessarily a good person (go figure). But that's just one one of the things you come to realise as you broaden your horizons. 

I Can't Breathe: Justice for Eric Garner

The police have a duty to enforce the law in all communities and spheres of society. But they don't have a right to stereotype all black people and terrorise them. A justice system that refuses to hold its police force to account is neither just nor fair. Instead it has become an oppressive system. In a democracy the instruments of government should not subjugate the people. 

There's a growing trend in America right now that appears to be drawing battle lines between white and non-White communities. Unfortunately these prejudices and paranoia have become institutionalised and are being acted upon daily in law enforcement and the justice system. It is also a shame that these prejudices are also being bred into the youth thereby polarising society and its future manifestation. 

Whatever the officer’s query of Eric Garner was there is no doubt it could have been dealt with by discussion. The need to brutally subdue him harks back to the days of slavery. There is no question that America has come a long way since the times of slavery. Unfortunately it seems that it has turned full circle. America needs to ask itself whether it is prepared to heal its institutions or would it rather just circle the wagons and ready itself for a war on non-white communities. 

Relationship Readiness

Relationships are the main thing that define existence. Whether you are a human being, animal, plant, chemical, binary code or number. They are a defining feature of humanity. They represent the essence of any society. It's the relationship between things that creates the order of elements, and yields the laws of nature. But relationships between people represents the most complicated of them all. Both for the individuals involved and the interaction between them. 

Growing up we learn how to relate to parents, siblings, relatives, neighbours, friends, strangers, professionals, symbols of authority, the world around us, and who we are as dynamic individuals (physically, mentally and emotionally). This learning conditions us for how we relate in the future and how we see our place in the world as a whole. Some of it involves socialisation, but there is also an element of an individual personality forming and starting to assert itself. In essence, our minds start to establish what is right and what is wrong in relation to the things we experience in life. 

One of the key experiences that serves as both a motivation and goal in our future lives is romantic relationships. And for many the question of whether they are ready for a relationship will dawn on them in the midst of all the chaos that is life. For some relationships are something they enter into instinctively and are immediately at ease with. For others they start of with a lot of soul searching on what relationships are or should be. Others find themselves, later in life questioning what relationships mean to them after a number of varied experiences.

So when are we ready for relationships? There are many phases of relationships that occur throughout a person’s life. In childhood we form friendships, and ‘special’ friendships. In fact in infancy even our parents and the adults around us start to point us towards romances with all sorts of snot nosed toddlers. As we grow older though we start to identify that person who we really like. But these are still just friendships born out of affection and closeness. Quite innocent really. However, with the terrible teens come the urges and the territorial claims. We have that person who is now our own. Nevermind, that we don't feed or cloth them; or even pay for their call credit. We’ve found that person we just can't do without. Though that doesn't stop us waking up in the morning, checking Facebook, posting on Instagram and putting on our “to die for” outfit for the day. At this point things are serious and urges are bursting forth from our bodies as frequently as pimples. 

The truth is that it's all so easy when we're young. When we get older knowledge and experience start to flash cautionary tales before our eyes that loom larger than a Hollywood blockbuster. We become more anxious about how things will end up rather than how they will start off. We ask ourselves if we’re ready. Or we ask ourselves if we that cool person we just met could be the one. Once we’re consumed with doubt then it is time to take a step back and question our readiness. If you're not in the right frame of mind then it will never be the right place and time. Sometimes wanting it isn't enough. You have to have what it takes to make it work. 

I think human beings are born ready for relationships and are instinctively drawn into them. That being said one must be prepared for relationships. Championship eaters tell us all the time you can't just dive into the food and start stuffing your face. You need to train hard, get your game right and know what you're getting yourself into. You need to be ready! In relationships it's important you know yourself too. If it's salvation you're seeking then look to God. A good relationship with the Almighty will set you right. However if it's romance you're considering then take a step forward and gird your loins but proceed with caution. Relationships can turn out to be a really rough and revealing rollercoaster. The kind that churns your stomach and snaps your belt while you're whooping with joy (but that's what some of us live for). The kind that makes you giggle and then leaves you crying. The kind that makes someone tell you the most stupid nonsense and it falls on your ears like worldly wisdom. The kind that has someone touching you in all the right places and you doing all the wrong things. 

So ready or not, when you meet someone you like; ask yourself some questions. How well do you know them? What do you know about them? What do you like about them? What don't you like about them? What do you have in common? What is unique about them? What do they want from life? What do they want from you? If you're not afraid to ask these questions then you're ready to set off on a path to finding out the answers. But remember that when you take step forward it's easier to look back than it is to turn back.

Go forth and relate!

Say The Word ...

Your soul seeks joy

Yet your mind sees a ploy.

Your heart feels so cold

Yet your soul is free and bold.

Happiness could be a thousand miles away 

Yet only a message from you. 

Your fingers have so much to say 

Though your head wants you to look to pastures anew.

Your memories cloud your mind like a fog

Yet one memory is bright and sweet like a Yuletide log;

Like a pearl growing in an oyster 

There's something precious nestled just beneath that terrifying layer

That keeps holding you at bay

Just as you yearn to say …