Intimate Knowledge

Growing up almost no one learnt about sex in a way that was healthy or wholesome. The instruction or information about sex always tended to be biased based on religion, ignorance, experience or perversion. Ultimately most of the sex education came from films, tv, peers, books; and now the internet. Inevitably almost everyone grows up with sexual hang ups and blind spots. There are so many things that children and youth are warned off, some for good reason. However, others are just stuff that some people consider taboo or unpleasant. The end result tends to be that a lot of people grow up approaching sex with differing loaded perceptions and attitudes. This isn’t always good in the future for the person or their prospective partner.

One of those aspects of sex that divides a lot of people is oral sex. It doesn’t help that over time it has developed a bad reputation. It is commonly associated with prostitution, and young lads pressuring girls for sex. There’s also a myth that in school so-called loose girls tend to dispense it rather freely. Given the personal hygiene regimen of most boys I doubt that oral sex would be an choice delight for many young girls. The depiction of oral sex in porn is often very aggressive and displeasingly domineering.

I am one of those people who has never been completely at ease with oral sex. I am willing to do cunnilingus but am not known to proactively volunteer it. It doesn’t always feel like a trip to the rose garden. But am generally not a big eater anyway. I have heard some guys say that it isn’t manly, while others shy away on hygiene grounds. I know of some women who feel it isn’t just ladylike. Some women have actually suggested that it is deviant and too far a line to cross sexually. Oral sex doesn’t have to be everybody’s thing. And if you’re not prepared to be open to it then it might be best to steer clear of it. There is nothing more agonising than bad sex. Chewing and chomping on intimate parts is not cool, no matter the good intentions. There is a reason why Jabba the Hutt in Star Wars is portrayed as a glutton and not a Lothario.

Having a good feel for your partner’s body means knowing your partner’s body intimately. More than just knowing how a body works. This goes beyond just feeling your partner’s body. It means recognising that your partner’s body has its own unique texture, fragrance and vibration. It means you enveloping yourself in your partner’s body in a way that gives you a feel for it that is beyond touch. And when you close your eyes and think of your partner’s body you can see, smell, taste, hear and feel the body even without you being aroused. You’re just that in tune with it. It is hard to imagine a person lying next to a vibrant and dynamic being night after night but really only thinking of themselves. They can see and feel the body but everything it does is just incidental to them. These are the “you didn’t tell me you like that” folk who come to sex with a one track mind.

Sex is supposed to be an intensely intimate and satisfying experience. In order to have a fulsome and fulfilling sexual experience it is necessary to explore all of the body. That is the only way to find out what you like and what your partner appreciates. It is mind boggling that there are men who after decades of a sexual relationship probably would not recognise their partners vagina if it was projected on an IMAX screen. That can’t be right. Oral sex isn’t just about having oral contact but also about having a complete experience of a partners’ private part and sensuality. It develops a knowledge of the organ and sensations and reactions that go along with the interaction with it. It means appreciating your partner’s body and what pleases your partner. That is the true path to actually giving your partner pleasure.