Mother's Day - 10th May 2015

Today is globally marked as Mother's Day. I acknowledge it as such but decline to mark it in any way. And that is not just because my mother has passed away. It's because I think such days are pointless and wrongly conceived. There is no day that a parent, be they mother or father, does not remain a parent. Good or bad, disowning or disowned; they remain such and should be recognised, as well as act as such. But I feel the day is misconceived because being a mother is is a monumental task that each mother should be respected and glorified for. However, despite all the thanks that are owed to parents, being a parent is also a duty and an obligation. It is a duty that should be sacrosanct and never taken for granted. Any day that celebrates parenthood should also highlight and promote responsibilities of being a parent that go much farther than just biological conception. 

I have heard a lot of people talk about how loving and great their mothers are or were. I have also heard people talk about how bad or mean their mothers are or were. And I have indeed heard some people lie about how good or bad their parents are. It doesn't take much thinking to know how complicated motherhood is. Both for morhers and for children. I had a great mother who had great love and high hopes but also made grave mistakes. I cherish all memories of her, good things and mistakes all. I recognise that in addition to being my mother she was a person with a life that preceded me and in many ways needed to be lived regardless of me. I cannot hate her for that. I can only respect the effort and aspiration it took for her to still be a mother in spite of all that life threw at her. And so when I hear some people harshly critique their mothers I do sympathise with their feelings but rarely agree with their expression. Being a mother is a challenging and daunting prospect and task; from pregnancy through birth to upbringing. It doesn't make it any easier that children have to grow up and find themselves, often in contrast and in the footsteps of their own parents. Maybe some parents get things very wrong, maybe some don't try hard enough but who can imagine the kind of mental and emotional deconstruction required to transition from single person into mother (often without warning or guidance). If some mothers get it wrong, and they will, it is understandable. In this life not all of us are born to be great. As tragic as it may seem, that includes mothers. I commend all those good mothers and commiserate with all those not so good ones. 

Here's to all mothers and children. You have to put up with each and try your best to be the best you can be at all times. Who can begrudge you the occasional slip up?