Here I am

©️Hannah Buckman

The thrill and relief at a new beginning

Just like the shock of some new meaning 

Fills you with wholesome expectation

With more than a hint of trepidation. 

Is it true, can it be real?

Did you miss something in all the zeal?

Do you rush in and stumble, 

Or hesitate and fumble?

 

Just as a flower blooming draws in water

Love’s first dawn invites you to the slaughter. 

The prize just over the horizon 

Requires you to charge forward like a bison.

The embrace is so much comfort 

Like a castle, or sight of that long sought fort.

Calories may come and go

But the ring of your laugh gives such a glow. 

You don’t have to be sure or perfect 

Just have faith in cause and effect. 

Be it a fitfully uncomfortable sleep 

Or pottering up hills too steep; 

All it takes is an afternoon kiss 

That’s bliss that just can’t miss. 

The feathery touch to release the valve

The gentle whisper the perfect salve. 

The Value of Valentine’s Day

For many Valentine’s Day is considered a great way to commemorate love. Tell someone you love them. Show someone you love them. A chance to say something and do something romantic. Preferably something big and expensive. Meaningful is optional. A lot of good can be done, and a lot of people get a good feeling out of it. Business certainly makes a lot out of it and makes a good profit on the back of it.

It would be great to imagine that everyone who buys into Valentine’s Day is sincere and full of love rather than driven by cynical self interest like business. Maybe some of them are. As it happens, it can also be an opportunistic assembly line for people trying to impress a beau or cover up their lack of genuine feelings for someone else.

There is an expectation that in order to show how much you care on Valentine’s Day people should spend generously and make big gestures. Clearly Valentine’s Day is the day you check the balance on the love ledger. Whichever party is giving or getting; the important thing is to expect big things. Strangely enough one would have thought that love actually pays for itself everyday, even without grand expensive gestures. Being loved can offer happiness, security and reassurance. Loving someone an be fulfilling, invigorating and joyous. Plenty in there that money can’t substitute for.

Big productions from the heart are as much a delight to the person giving as to the person receiving them. The little things that people do for each other every day also go a long way to holding each other down and making every day special. Being able to reach out to or for that special person when you need to can be the thing that makes a moment special and unforgettable. While something rarely occurring might be considered precious, there are routine deeds that prove invaluable.

A lot of people spend a king’s ransom on Valentine’s Day without giving it any real thought. It’s just something they have to do. And in return many get hardly anything back from it. Not a warm thought, not a little recognition, and too often not even a thank you. For a day that’s meant to commemorate great love it all seems to be about transactions. But I guess it’s down to the individual to choose whether they want a day of big transactions or a lifetime of meaningful and memorable interactions.

Shades of Pastel

Innocent yet no one feels more guilty.

The wisdom of the ancients but full of naivety. 

Beautiful beyond belief but marked by self doubt. 

Sweet but sour like a luscious stout. 

You look for that which you should be listening for. 

You reach out for that for which you should be looking to your inner core. 

Uphill and slippery,

Not given much to chivalry. 

Assuredly uncertain, always questioning, 

Yet still sure as a reckoning. 

Do you walk or just sit around? 

Do you talk or just stand your ground? 

Just like the aftermath of a wine spill,

Somehow just never able to chill. 

In my arms or in my heart,

Still held dearly though so far apart. 

There’s a lot to put on one page 

And this is just the first stage. 

Giving Love a Fighting Chance

Relationships and marriages are often expected to aspire to be havens of harmony and compatibility. Some long lasting couples talk with fierce pride of never having had a serious quarrel or serious disagreement in many years together. "Never go to bed angry" is recognised as sound relationship advice all over the world. In some cultures and religions the wife is expected to be docile and meek around the husband. This is meant to engender affection and appreciation in the reputedly dominant male. For many years this has been considered the key to a strong and lasting relationship. It is no surprise that across the world there has been a decline in formal marriages, and an increase in the rates of divorce.

Couples who believe that avoiding conflict is the path to a happy and thriving relationship are sorely mistaken. Truth be told, when you believe in something and want it to last you have to fight for it. In fact, the occasional dust up is one way to clear the cobwebs and knock some sense into some men and women in relationships. When a couple chooses to get married a fight gets underway to stay together and weather life's storms. Once the words, "till death do us part", are uttered, "thems are fighting words"; and a physical, psychological and social struggle to stay together commences.

The idea that a relationship or marriage between two very individual characters must necessarily always be peaceful and amicable assumes that all issues affecting it might have been worked out in advance. In truth, the pooling of opposing views has the potential to greatly improve the reservoir of  knowledge and quality of decision making in the relationship. This will very likely both enhance  understanding and the endurance of respect and affection in the relationship. Agreements reached by listening to each other and looking at the merits of all views are more legitimate than agreement where one party's consensus is assumed and taken for granted.

It is important that couples recognise when conflict is counterproductive and destructive. It is vital they both show compassion and patience towards each other. Trying to compete against, and beat each other while in a relationship only leads to two defeated people. The aim is to push each other hard while still holding each other close to each other's heart. Ultimately true love will choose honesty and tolerance in handling both conflict and agreement.