Marriage Equality is the Natural Order of Things

The Supreme Court of the U.S. ruling on marriage equality has broken down another bastion of prejudice and bigotry. One of the most interesting aspects of it has been reading the opinions of the dissenting judges. Most of them appeared to be trying establish a position where society regressed to justify a reluctance to change the law. According to Justice Scalia the function of marriage was to facilitate procreation. And Clarence Thomas argued that denial of the right to marriage did not constitute a robbing of dignity and therefore a breach of human rights. It was interesting to see the Justices resorting to fallacious reasoning in explaining their dissent but barely able to contain their personal aversion to homosexuality itself. 

I strongly doubt there is any merit in the claim that marriage was principally designed for procreation. In early societies marriage was seen as a way of providing a companion and a work partner in securing a subsistence. So it was mainly a means of providing comfort and protection. Having children and building a family was just a natural consequence of that. Even in the American frontier men got married in order to have a companion and someone to cater to their domestic needs. It was widely known that the frontier prostitutes would take money to sleep with you but you couldn't pay them enough to come home with you and wash your undies. In the Bible Eve was created as a companion for Adam, so that he wouldn't be alone. And in the New Testament Apostle Paul endorses marriage for those unable to live a life of chastity and solitude. (Christianity's position on homosexuality is another matter but many churches are having to rethink their positions on that too).

Clarence Thomas' claim that the state cannot deny a person dignity seems confused at best. Is it not a State's duty to protect the freedom of all citizens. And would a denial of access to a freely available social institution not reduce a person's standing in society? To be stripped of your justly entitled rights is an affront to personal dignity. Justice Thomas will do well not to confuse pride with dignity. Dignity comes from elevation. You cannot be truly elevated if you are relegated to a lower status than others around you. 

As Michel de Montaigne wrote, "marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out". However marriage turns out; the choice should be all people's to make. 

Culpable Caring - Holding Families of Killers to Account

The judge in the bond hearing for the Charleston killer commiserated with all the victims of the shooting at the Emanuel AME church. He stated that in addition to the the people murdered the family of the killer were also victims of the atrocity. According to him, they did not ask to be caught up in this tragedy. As an aside, there are reports that the judge who has previously been censured for using racist language has now been taken off the case. 

I don't see the family in this particular case as equally victimised by this crime. They may have been victims of issues in their own background and personal circumstances but with regards the killings they are equally culpable. They had in their care a young man who is misguided, deeply prejudiced and borderline sociopathic yet they appear to have done very little to seek help and counselling for him. Instead, they bought him a gun for his 21st birthday. It is little wonder that shortly afterwards he carried out a premeditated shooting to death of nine worshippers in a Black church. 

Even if the killer's father thought he might be being bullied and bought him a gun for self protection, it seems to be the wrong message to give to a troubled youth. It suggests that this was a household that endorsed violence; and was most likely very much steeped in it. Parents who expect that their accepting attitudes to violence won't influence, and eventually scar their own children are quite mistaken. Parents who are violent or routinely resort to violence are setting up their children to become caught up in a culture and lifestyle of violence. 

There are a lot of victims of gun violence and America's obsession with being armed. Statistics suggest threre are more victims of personal and domestic shootings than criminal shootings in America. That points to a society that has got it very wrong on gun control. However, families who don't do enough to look after their children who might be going through emotional turmoil and upheaval have to be held accountable for the havoc those children go on to wreak. 

No End to Violence?

There seem to be an ever increasing number of incidents of violence and lawlessness being witnessed and reported in the press on a daily basis. We've had families going on the run with gravely ill children, spouses refusing to truthfully declare assets in divorce court, stabbing in schools, a parent on the run with a child after losing custody, incidents of road rage, and a father shooting up a police station after losing custody of his son. 

There is a real concern that people are becoming increasingly prone to resorting to violence to resolve disputes. It really does echo back to 'Wild West' times. It is shocking the amount of violent imagery and language that is taken for granted nowadays. Whether it is in real life or online there seems to be little restraint applied when threatening violence. It is equally scary that most people who witness these threats actually find them amusing and fun. It is unclear if people are getting more violent or just have less of an awareness of the consequences of violence. While the media might not be singly responsible for this, the portrayal of violence in film, games and TV does appear to be a contributory factor. The preponderance of vicarious violence seems to transport otherwise docile people into a realm of violence they would never have hitherto imagined. The access to weapons has allowed some to actualise their lethal fantasies. 

The violence and lawlessness raises the question of whether some people are losing faith in the rule of law. An ever growing vein of selfishness and egocentrism in some people means that they see no reason why they shouldn't exact retribution where they deem it due. In many cases the public have seen a lack of action by the police on so called low level crimes as evidence that they are unlikely to see justice done if they report crimes. Police violence against certain communities has also eroded police authority in many quarters. And when certain cases do get prosecuted perceived incompetence by prosecutors or an excessive focus on winning cases rather than securing justice has left a lot of victims frustrated. 

There was a time when violence was mostly associated with abnormal behaviour but it seems to be getting more normalised these days. There is a culture of violence becoming ingrained in society. Language is increasingly violent. Entertainment is violent. Education has become violent. Violence is often a first resort in settling disputes. If the epidemic of violence is going to be tackled it will require whole societies to start changing the normalisation of violence in day to day life. It is down to individuals to change behaviours and attitudes. Both adults and children need reeducation on the harmful effects of violence. Until societies are prepared to speak out against the symbols of violence they will continue to suffer the ill effects of it. 

Can FIFA Really be Cleaned Up?

FIFA the world body controlling football has been truly engulfed in scandal over the past few weeks. A number of executives have been indicted in the U.S. on charges of bribery and corruption, and their extradition is being sought. Sepp Blatter, the FIFA president dramatically offered his resignation just days after being reelected to a new four year term. One of his formerly close allies (Jack Warner) has indicated that he has provided documented evidence of corruption that will implicate Sepp Blatter. So it would appear that years of shady deals and manoeuvring have finally caught up with the organisation. 

While it is big news that FIFA's previously untouchable officials are now being held to account, corruption in world sport is not a new thing. The International Olympic Committee faced accusations of a culture of endemic bribery and corruption a few years ago. It has managed to shake these off and get back to business as usual. The world cycling body faced allegations of complicity in covering up widespread doping in the sport. It claims to have a handle on that now and is moving on. No doubt FIFA will move on from this without any substantial damage being done to the organisation. 

It is difficult to imagine how anybody working in football at an international level can claim not to have known about the culture of payoffs and influence peddling. In fact most country Football Associations have either been involved in or known of shady under the table deal making. Payments made to the Irish FA and allegations that Germany brokered an arms deal to get Saudi support for its World Cup bid have recently come to light. A New Zealand football official was charged with corruption following the award of the 2006 World Cup to Germany. While bidding for the 2018 World Cup the English FA wined and dined Blatter and Warner extensively. Franz Beckenbauer was suspended from football activities following his refusal to cooperate with an ethics investigation into the award of the 2022 World Cup to Qatar. Michel Platini the UEFA president did a deal with Blatter to not contest the FIFA presidential election some years ago. So it appears even if Blatter goes the culture of payoffs and shady deals is unlikely to go with him. 

There does appear to be a hidden agenda behind some UEFA members' very vocal calls for Blatter to go. And it has very little to do with ridding FIFA of corruption. Quite a few of the member countries resent the fact that they don't have more influence over decision making in FIFA. They don't believe the single vote per member policy recognises their status or accomplishments adequately. A lot of murmurings from UEFA seem to suggest that giving an equal say to the smaller member countries isn't very popular there. A case of 'some animals being more equal than others'. Look for moves by the UEFA bloc to try and change FIFA membership or voting rules once Blatter finally exits the field. It will be ironic that the current FBI investigation may be about to expose one set of unfair practices while laying the foundation for another form of unfairness. 

Growing

There are lots of things I never dreamed I'd be

That I have now become. 

There are lots of things I never thought I'd see

That my gaze has longingly fallen upon. 

There are things I thought I'd never agree

How I've seen my mind broaden. 
There are things I've done, regrettably
I now know I was very wrong.

There are things that I now feel 

That I never thought I could ever summon.

I now know if I keep striving patiently 

There'll be many more garlands to adorn.

Redress For Monica Lewinsky

It is nice that Monica Lewinsky has been able to rehabilitate her self esteem and is working very hard to do the same for her reputation. It is true that she was the victim of the artifices of a powerful man. What is not true is that the shaming she was subjected to was undeserved. She was naïve and taken advantage of by a predatory powerful man. But she knew he was unavailable to her her, even if accessible at the time. There was no chance of them having a relationship or starting a life together. She was a woman who was old enough to know better and smart enough to have walked away. That she chose not to was an indication of her own moral failing at the time. She chose to conduct a dalliance, and then compounded that error by boasting about it to a friend. A friend who it turns out was disreputable and untrustworthy. 

These errors might have been youthful indiscretions but they do show a certain lack of concern and judgement that was likely a prevalent characteristic of hers at the time. And her actions did threaten to bring a lawfully elected government down. All things considered the intense scrutiny she was subjected to was warranted. She needs to distinguish between unfair intrusion of being the subject of revenge porn and the massive ramifications of being caught up in a presidential impeachment. If she does she might realise that when she chose to keep that dress she set in place a chain of events that was inevitably bound to thrust her into the public eye. She might have known that whatever unravelled in the future was always going to leave her raw and exposed. It isn't quite clear if she cared or thought so much about that at the time.

Monica Lewinsky's stand against cyberbullying is creditable but I am not sure her situation is the best study in bullying to promote it. I don't know whether she is trying to redeem herself or yet again exploit her notoriety. But her story isn't one of an innocent soul used and abused by a savage press complex. It is more a tale of a person who made bad decisions that forever marked and marred her life, and who is trying to make others understand the dangers and pitfalls that lie along the path she took. If that's the story she's telling then I'm all ears.

Mother's Day - 10th May 2015

Today is globally marked as Mother's Day. I acknowledge it as such but decline to mark it in any way. And that is not just because my mother has passed away. It's because I think such days are pointless and wrongly conceived. There is no day that a parent, be they mother or father, does not remain a parent. Good or bad, disowning or disowned; they remain such and should be recognised, as well as act as such. But I feel the day is misconceived because being a mother is is a monumental task that each mother should be respected and glorified for. However, despite all the thanks that are owed to parents, being a parent is also a duty and an obligation. It is a duty that should be sacrosanct and never taken for granted. Any day that celebrates parenthood should also highlight and promote responsibilities of being a parent that go much farther than just biological conception. 

I have heard a lot of people talk about how loving and great their mothers are or were. I have also heard people talk about how bad or mean their mothers are or were. And I have indeed heard some people lie about how good or bad their parents are. It doesn't take much thinking to know how complicated motherhood is. Both for morhers and for children. I had a great mother who had great love and high hopes but also made grave mistakes. I cherish all memories of her, good things and mistakes all. I recognise that in addition to being my mother she was a person with a life that preceded me and in many ways needed to be lived regardless of me. I cannot hate her for that. I can only respect the effort and aspiration it took for her to still be a mother in spite of all that life threw at her. And so when I hear some people harshly critique their mothers I do sympathise with their feelings but rarely agree with their expression. Being a mother is a challenging and daunting prospect and task; from pregnancy through birth to upbringing. It doesn't make it any easier that children have to grow up and find themselves, often in contrast and in the footsteps of their own parents. Maybe some parents get things very wrong, maybe some don't try hard enough but who can imagine the kind of mental and emotional deconstruction required to transition from single person into mother (often without warning or guidance). If some mothers get it wrong, and they will, it is understandable. In this life not all of us are born to be great. As tragic as it may seem, that includes mothers. I commend all those good mothers and commiserate with all those not so good ones. 

Here's to all mothers and children. You have to put up with each and try your best to be the best you can be at all times. Who can begrudge you the occasional slip up?